My Story: Claire Smith

By Claire Smith    9th January 2001    0 responses
Part of the series

A few years ago, before I became a Christian, I used to be very cynical when people told me of their faith and how it had strengthened and helped them. I would just laugh when they left and think that they were obviously lacking something if they needed to put all their hopes into something that, as far as I could make out, didn’t exist.

In the sixth form a good friend of mine told me that she had become a Christian. She talked endlessly about her church, how wonderful it was and how happy she was since giving her life to Christ. I decided to go along to her church and see what it was like for myself. I can honestly say that I didn’t like it. The pastor was very interesting, the worship music was great, but at the end people went forward for prayer. Then it got frightening. People were shaking, screaming and falling over. I wanted to leave. I swore I would never go back.

I returned a few months later. I realised I wasn’t scared of what happened to the others but I was envious. They had something I didn’t. What was it? Why did I not have it? Could I have it? If so, how?

I was prayed for and given a prayer to pray if I wanted to become a Christian. I prayed it, convinced something amazing would happen instantly. It didn’t. No shaking, screaming, falling over. I remember thinking, ‘Come on, God. I believe you are there. Please show me that you know me.’ Still nothing. I was very naive and impatient. I thought that the moment I said I was a Christian, everything would change and I would feel like a new person. In fact, nothing noticeably changed in my behaviour until I went to France with friends months later. We were in the Sacre Coeur, a very impressive and awe-inspiring church. I prayed a simple prayer, along the lines of everyone having a good time and getting home safely. I don’t know what happened, but I started to cry. I wasn’t unhappy. I felt for the first time in my life that God knew who I was personally. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and that I was loved by God. He had died on a cross for me and I am worth it. That’s a mind blowing thing.

Since becoming a Christian, I know I have changed as a person. It wasn’t an instant transformation, as I had initially expected. It has been gradual and I believe it is still going on. The more I learn about my faith, the more I change. I am much more contented as a person, as God has helped me come to terms with things I cannot change and the ability to change the things I can. For example, I went through a very difficult time and I found life very difficult to cope with. I was clinically depressed and took various anti depressants that played around with my mood. At my lowest point, I cut myself on my arms and legs. I tried to stop numerous times, but was only successful after I went forward for prayer in church. I can honestly say that my days of depression and self harm are behind me now but without the support of my friends and my faith I don’t think that would be the case.

I am nicer to people than I used to be and much less cynical but I know I still have a way to go! I am more trusting and I do make more of an effort to see the good in other people, as opposed to the bad. I pray regularly. The Bible says ‘Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything’ and although I know I worry more than I should over some things, I am getting better at letting go my worries and giving them to God.

Being a Christian isn’t always easy, but it is worth it. My faith has helped me more times than I can count and it is the one constant thing in my life that has never let me down. I am far from perfect, but God loves me and forgives me when I go wrong.

For non-Christians reading this, I would like to end by simply saying please keep an open mind. I have faith in a very real God who is a constant source of help and reassurance to me. You can have that too, if you want to.

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